Yelp

IMG_0601Coma Memory Belief 

My books working title,’coma, memory, belief’, below are several attempts at the start. I only chose the word ‘yelp’ for this page, suitable as I now think it is, for ordering purposes. But I’ve since figured out how to order pages, I still think it’s suitable and will keep it for this website, ‘yelp’. This page is just a collage, an expression, of my thinking since the accident that changed me and my life, I suspect I am the same person but am motivated now to express myself. Thoughts for the book… Too many themes, too much to consider and write, but I want it to be a story which all good books are, good books are stories about life with characters… Kafka was one of my favourite authors, and Berger, Beckett, Borges (BBB) just to name a few. Nowhere near as good as their writing. This books theme is the elevation of our notions of thought toward the recognition that thought is as real as the material world. To be sure, thought doesn’t exist in the same way as the material world, but does exist. Because our mental activity and perhaps the movement of electricity through the brain our thinking is as real although non physical. As real as the table and chairs in this place where we now sit. Indeed we know all of this having invented schools and universities. But as a species we need to take this fact to the next level and acknowledge thought as a reality in order for us to evolve. I believe we can evolve and it’s time for us to go to the next level of existence. In modern science there is ‘entanglement theory’ which reveals other levels in the material world. A Google search on ‘entanglement theory’ has many results including ‘Einstein referred to it as “spooky action at a distance”. Maybe there is a spooky action for thought.

Introduction

I was in a coma for three months. My accident occured in Thailand on Koh Chang where I have been many times, my passport states I have been to 56 countries. More than two years have passed since my accident and I still suffer from the effects of my near death experience. The right hand side of my body is foreign to me and my memory remains impaired. We live for our memories, to remember, through memory we give meaning to events of the past. It bothers me no end that all of my memory has been taken from me through coma. Memory is what makes us human beings, it is central to who we are and what defines us. There is so much to recover from after coma. A complete reconstruction of self. So many details, it all must have been hard when we were born and knew nothing, no memories of body parts and how to make them function. We had to learn all things. I feel like a child again, learning about even the most basic things in life, things we take for granted, such as limbs. I believe however that I’m a changed man since my accident, I seem to dwell more on belief, I can almost remember that such issues, belief, were central to my character even before the accident. We all assign meaning in our lives. I don’t mean religious belief, merely belief itself, thoughts, belief rather than fact.

In the west we trust democracy, and now technology and science, human interpretations of the world, we can explain that we don’t agree with a principal because it lacks scientific reasoning. I also believe fervently in other life forms in the universe. It seems to me a point of logic that we are not alone in intelligent thought, that it is a natural consequence of any life form to grow and develop thought, to think and believe in something. I still believe in alien life, the universe is so massive it seems impossible for us to be the only intelligent life in it. The only thinking life form. For us to be exposed to alternative thought would be extremely uplifting for our species.

Technology has been a great help to me, my iPhone in particular, using the diary to store information about each day, reminders for planning. With iCloud these things can be accessed everywhere there is an internet computer. I’m also a fan of contacts for details on the people I knew and know. I use it all constantly, I write this now using notes again which synchronises over the internet. We humans have become creatures of our inventions always, think cars, ploughs, planes, but with technology we have progressed. With AI we are now developing computer based thought, indeed the universe is opening up for us. My own thought is problematic, I have to try when recounting yesterday and simple things for example passwords and such. We are a changed people, no longer farmers or hunters gatherers focused on our physical being, but thought has become central to us and what we focus on. Perhaps thought is not strictly human. I believe not.

Humanity is fast approaching the most amazing evolutionary turning point in it’s existence. We have invented so many things, our command of the physical world is profound. First we discovered energy like wood and fire, which eventually provided us with electricity, power plants, I have forgotten another big inventions such as automobiles, planes etc. We have also inadvertently produced green house gases and global warming. Today we understand that the universe abounds with energy, firstly solar. We have produced solar panels and developed the storage of energy, batteries. We have also invented cars like the Tesla and planes that fly by the power of the sun. We can now see the energy all around us and plan to send man to mars and beyond.With theories such as ‘entanglement’ we are discovering new subatomic forces. Indeed we are about to evolve, there has never been a period like this in human history. Our thinking, which itself is an unusual aspect of existence, took us towards wonderment.

After Adam and Eve we were able to think about the world we lived in. We developed intellectually and emotionally. We imagined God, Allah and Buddha. We are a creative people in poetry, literature and music but our most significant development has been technology. I called a government body recently to discover I could talk with computers, it understood me quite well and provided me verbally with factual answers. Google is a tool that we all use today as truth, be it cross word puzzles or questions like what is the distance from Earth to Mars? I only wonder how much computers can liberate us from mundane facts. The biological entity, people, have become dependent on their most significant invention, the technological entity, computers. I can imagine a world where the biological entity can choose to focus on life and experience and leave the other factual needs to the technological entity. Even food production for the biological entity may be done by the technological entity in the future. Robots with AI looking after crops and building houses for the biological entity. And then there is surveillance, a biological entity interest. Our SMS, email and internet activity is scanned by BOTS today because the biological entity has an interest in personal secrets, we have secrets. We are all monitored through technology for the biological entity. The USA has recently suggested that the government there has rights to all data because of terrorism in their challenge to Apple for access to all iPhones.

Where to begin with this book to help myself and you if your not already bored by my ravings. I’m now 46 years old, 2 and a half years ago I had a motor cycle accident in Thailand so I’m told and experienced a coma for three months. Physically there was only slight damage, but the brain lost it’s relationship with the right hand side of my body, most notably my right leg. I cannot walk normally but can move about awkwardly. Much more significantly my memory is impaired. I write alone, it truly is me, my family thought all that came from me was my wife’s thoughts and writing, indeed she was a journalist but it is only me. Back to misanthropy, I wonder about people today and what drives them, what they remember? I wonder what’s most important to say of my experience, perhaps the facts first and then what can help us, what has helped me at least. I continue, should possibly have died, a better outcome I think now. I should just be thankful to continue the experience of life. Anyway it seems to me that our species is arriving at an evolutionary turning point and it’s a dramatic time to be alive. This subject is most important to me, evolution, it is the reason I write. I thought to begin with what I wrote about a year ago.

Chapter one – Coma

Can a person still somehow think in a coma? On the internet some people say they could, I don’t know whether I did, I can remember kind of dreaming of my home, work and the humdrum of life but I don’t know if that was while I was out. The human mind is such a complex thing we don’t understand very much about it’s nuances. Is consciousness like a light switch we turn on and off, I suspect not. From where does consciousness originate? What are the boundaries of consciousness. Is it just a product of the brain? Obviously by our science it is just a product of the brain but I also think that consciousness itself, like matter, is a fundamental stuff of this universe.

Chapter two – Memory

Where did everything happen and at who’s agency, what did you say and think in the past, how did you get here, what made you think that? The most important thing to happen to me was…

Chapter three – Belief

Religion was inspired by experience, it considers and suggests causes; what where when why how… It attempts to account for the beginning. The beginning is problematic for an intelligent species. I suspect that human beings extend beyond the material world. Our science has been most useful but it is only our observation and abstraction of the material world, a human interpretation of the universe. Perhaps existence goes beyond what we can see, the physical stuff. Existence is also in our feelings and memories. Maybe there is more to the universe than merely atoms that constitute objects. Science would have it that we fall under the rules that govern the material world, atoms. According to science atoms is what we are made of. I personally think we are much more than atomic theory and we extends beyond the material world.

Book attempt two

It told me that life was inseparable from the universe, life is the universe, a fundamental of all atoms to grow towards. I only say ‘it’ because the sex of this living being wasn’t clear or important to me. Was I asleep? It certainly felt like a different state of consciousness. It was difficult for me to remember how I arrived at this experience. Perhaps it was the result of recent events in my life, the coma, maybe I was still in coma. People told me I had been in an accident and subsequent coma, but I could remember nothing of the accident or my life prior, anything at all. I must still be in coma I thought. The alien life wasn’t talking verbally to me but somehow expressed more details than I had ever known and more accurately. Throughout this interaction I knew, it was communicated to me, that life was everywhere. It was the purpose of the material world. All atoms exist in two domains, the physical and the cerebral. In fact thought appeared like physical objects to me in a strange and uncommunicable way. They appeared as real objects that I took for granted in ordinary life, like tables and chairs etc. The alien knew my name which it suggested was me, a location, Gerhardt. So for human readers who use names regularly, how did I, Gerhardt, get here? Actually we are using simple human concepts when asking how we got here. I was beginning to understand that there are no locations in the cerebral domain, only focal points. You might ask what prompted my thinking but I was beginning to understand thought simply exists only now I could access it more truly. In order to reduce this story to make it possible for human interaction perhaps the best place to start would be to describe my life before the accident and weave in the alien understanding of the universe when opportunity arises.

Book attempt three

She is thinking of her 22nd birthday, it is something she frequently recalls. Her husband took her dancing that evening, she never thought she could dance, afterwards it became a habit for them, to dance. Today she struggles to move, something she once did very gracefully, elegantly, while dancing. She was married at 19 to a man she deeply loved, pregnant with the first of their five children at the time of their marriage, she had two children before the birthday she often remembers. Her husband arranged a babysitter for that evening, his mother. That birthday celebration, dancing, was the pinnacle of her life she thought. To dance. She still feels him dancing with her, her husband is still with her despite dying. The religion that she observes is adamant that there is no such thing as death, something she now believes fervently. She always sees her husband and talks with him since his death, it’s as though he still exists. He died of cancer 7 years ago, he physically left her but has remained spiritually.

Just now as I watch her hobbling she drops a newspaper that she was carrying, and kneeling down to pick it up she said thank you to the spirit of her deceased husband, his spirit helped her. A gaunt and very old man. Yesterday she attended her sisters funeral but knows through these experiences that her sister still exists, also because this dead sister told her that she had only gone to the Buddha, gone to the afterlife. Her sister had told her this after she had passed away. Some might think she dreamt of her sister but for this hobbling woman dreams have a reality. In fact for her what she thinks feels real. In an uncommon way her thoughts have taken on a kind of reality, and so when she thinks of her husband he is real to her. When she asks somebody if they heard what her dead husband just said the answer is always no. Many humans experience the dead, there are so many stories of this phenomenon, but we are often too locked into the human perception of this world to perceive the other world, it exists if you close your eyes and feel. She has always perceived this otherness, and loved to dance.

Her name is Agnes. Agnes once visited the place of her birth, the village, and was overcome by the brightest light she had ever experienced. Everyone had told her she had fallen asleep whilst sitting in a living room where she had grown up. She had always taken this experience for an extremely vivid dream, the experience had only lasted a short while. During this dream, in the light, a figure had appeared, it was a very comforting person she thought, somehow this dream stimulated a very blissful emotion in her. Shortly after this experience she begun to see figures that other people told her weren’t there but she was certain they were, and her memory became so perfect that all the people she knew began using her as an encyclopedia, as the source of facts for what had happened. Because of all this her husbands spirit didn’t surprise her when he appeared, some believed Agnes when she spoke of his visits.

4 thoughts on “Yelp

  1. I do write…for a living which is a killjoy. Onomatopoeia is a word that was forced upon me as an English literature undergrad. Strangely, it’s exactly the opposite of what it signifies – the sound of the word is completely contrary to its meaning. Cunning linguists will have a field day.

    Liked by 1 person

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