My books working title, ‘Coma, Memory, Belief’, below are several attempts at the start. This WordPress book is an expression of my thinking since the accident that changed me and my life. I suspect I am the same person despite coma but more motivated to express myself. Thoughts for the book… Too many themes, too much to consider and write, but I want it to be a story which all good books are, good books are stories about life with characters… Kafka was one of my favourite authors, and Berger, Beckett, Borges (BBB) just to name a few. Nowhere near as good as their writing. This WordPress books theme is the elevation of our notions of thought toward the recognition that thought is as real as the material world. To be sure, thought doesn’t exist in the same way as the material world, but does exist. Because of our mental activity and perhaps the movement of electricity through the brain our thinking is as real although non physical. As real as the table and chairs in this place where we now sit. Indeed we know all of this having invented schools and universities. But as a species we need to take this fact to the next level and acknowledge thought as a reality akin to physical reality in order for us to evolve. Love is real. I believe we can evolve and it’s time for us to go to the next level of existence. In modern science there is ‘entanglement theory’ which reveals other levels in the material world. A Google search on ‘entanglement theory’ has many results including ‘Einstein referred to it as “spooky action at a distance”. Maybe there is a spooky action for thought.


I was in a coma for three months. My accident occured in Thailand on Koh Chang where I have been many times. More than two years have passed since my accident and I still suffer from the effects of my near death experience. The right hand side of my body is foreign to me and my memory remains impaired. We live for our memories, to remember, through memory we give meaning to events of the past. It bothers me no end that all of my memory has been taken from me through coma. Memory is what makes us human beings, it is central to who we are and what defines us. There is so much to recover from after coma. A complete reconstruction of self. So many details, it all must have been hard when we were born and knew nothing, no memories of body parts and how to make them function. We had to learn all things. I feel like a child again, learning about even the most basic things in life, things we take for granted, such as limbs. I believe however that I’m a changed man since my accident, I seem to dwell more on belief, I can almost remember that such issues, belief, were central to my character even before the accident. We all assign meaning in our lives. I don’t mean religious belief, merely belief itself, thoughts, belief rather than fact.

In the west we trust democracy, and now technology and science, human interpretations of the world, we can explain that we don’t agree with a principal because it lacks scientific reasoning. I also believe fervently in other life forms in the universe. It seems to me a point of logic that we are not alone in intelligent thought, that it is a natural consequence of any life form to grow and develop thought, to think and believe in something. I still believe in alien life, the universe is so massive it seems impossible for us to be the only intelligent life in it. The only thinking life form. For us to be exposed to alternative thought would be extremely uplifting for our species.

Technology has been a great help to me, my iPhone in particular, using the diary to store information about each day, reminders for planning. With iCloud these things can be accessed everywhere there is an internet computer. I’m also a fan of contacts for details on the people I knew and know. I use it all constantly, I write this now using notes again which synchronises over the internet. We humans have become creatures of our inventions always, think cars, ploughs, planes, but with technology we have progressed. With AI we are now developing computer based thought, indeed the universe is opening up for us. My own thought is problematic, I have to try when recounting yesterday and simple things for example passwords and such. We are a changed people, no longer farmers or hunters gatherers focused on our physical being, but thought has become central to us and what we focus on. Perhaps thought is not strictly human. I believe not.

Humanity is fast approaching the most amazing evolutionary turning point in it’s existence. We have invented so many things, our command of the physical world is profound. First we discovered energy like wood and fire, which eventually provided us with electricity, power plants, I have forgotten another big inventions such as automobiles, planes etc. We have also inadvertently produced green house gases and global warming. Today we understand that the universe abounds with energy, firstly solar. We have produced solar panels and developed the storage of energy, batteries. We have also invented cars like the Tesla and planes that fly by the power of the sun. We can now see the energy all around us and plan to send man to mars and beyond.With theories such as ‘entanglement’ we are discovering new subatomic forces. Indeed we are about to evolve, there has never been a period like this in human history. Our thinking, which itself is an unusual aspect of existence, took us towards wonderment.

After Adam and Eve we were able to think about the world we lived in. We developed intellectually and emotionally. We imagined God, Allah and Buddha. We are a creative people in poetry, literature and music but our most significant development has been technology. I called a government body recently to discover I could talk with computers, it understood me quite wel

l and provided me verbally with factual answers. Google is a tool that we all use today as truth, be it cross word puzzles or questions like what is the distance from Earth to Mars? I only wonder how much computers can liberate us from mundane facts. The biological entity, people, have become dependent on their most significant invention, the technological entity, computers. I can imagine a world where the biological entity can choose to focus on life and experience and leave the other factual needs to the technological entity. Even food production for the biological entity may be done by the technological entity in the future. Robots with AI looking after crops and building houses for the biological entity. And then there is surveillance, a biological entity interest. Our SMS, email and internet activity is scanned by BOTS today because the biological entity has an interest in personal secrets, we have secrets. We are all monitored through technology for the biological entity. The USA has recently suggested that the government there has rights to all data because of terrorism in their challenge to Apple for access to all iPhones.

Where to begin with this book to help myself and you if your not already bored by my ravings. I’m now 46 years old, 2 and a half years ago I had a motor cycle accident in Thailand so I’m told and experienced a coma for three months. Physically there was only slight damage, but the brain lost it’s relationship with the right hand side of my body, most notably my right leg. I cannot walk normally but can move about awkwardly. Much more significantly my memory is impaired. I write alone, it truly is me, my family thought all that came from me was my wife’s thoughts and writing, indeed she was a journalist but it is only me. Back to misanthropy, I wonder about people today and what drives them, what they remember? I wonder what’s most important to say of my experience, perhaps the facts first and then what can help us, what has helped me at least. I continue, should possibly have died, a better outcome I think now. I should just be thankful to continue the experience of life. Anyway it seems to me that our species is arriving at an evolutionary turning point and it’s a dramatic time to be alive. This subject is most important to me, evolution, it is the reason I write. I thought to begin with what I wrote about a year ago.

Chapter one – Coma

Can a person still somehow think in a coma? On the internet some people say they could, I don’t know whether I did, I can remember kind of dreaming of my home, work and the humdrum of life but I don’t know if that was while I was out. The human mind is such a complex thing we don’t understand very much about it’s nuances. Is consciousness like a light switch we turn on and off, I suspect not. From where does consciousness originate? What are the boundaries of consciousness. Is it just a product of the brain? Obviously by our science it is just a product of the brain but I also think that consciousness itself, like matter, is a fundamental stuff of this universe.

Chapter two – Memory

Where did everything happen and at who’s agency, what did you say and think in the past, how did you get here, what made you think that? The most important thing to happen to me was…

Chapter three – Belief

Religion was inspired by experience, it considers and suggests cause; what where when why how… It attempts to account for the beginning. The beginning is problematic for an intelligent species. I suspect that human beings extend beyond the material world. Our science has been most useful but it is only our observation and abstraction of the material world, a human interpretation of the universe. Perhaps existence goes beyond what we can see, the physical stuff. Existence is also in our feelings and memories. Maybe there is more to the universe than merely atoms that constitute objects. Science would have it that we fall under the rules that govern the material world, atoms. According to science atoms is what we are made of. I personally think we are much more than atomic theory and we extends beyond the material world.

Book attempt two

It told me that life was inseparable from the universe, life is the universe, a fundamental of all atoms to grow towards. I only say ‘it’ because the sex of this living being wasn’t clear or important to me. Was I asleep? It certainly felt like a different state of consciousness. It was difficult for me to remember how I arrived at this experience. Perhaps it was the result of recent events in my life, the coma, maybe I was still in coma. People told me I had been in an accident and subsequent coma, but I could remember nothing of the accident or my life prior, anything at all. I must still be in coma I thought. The alien life wasn’t talking verbally to me but somehow expressed more details than I had ever known and more accurately. Throughout this interaction I knew, it was communicated to me, that life was everywhere. It was the purpose of the material world. All atoms exist in two domains, the physical and the cerebral. In fact thought appeared like physical objects to me in a strange and uncommunicable way. They appeared as real objects that I took for granted in ordinary life, like tables and chairs etc. The alien knew my name which it suggested was me, a location, Gerhardt. So for human readers who use names regularly, how did I, Gerhardt, get here? Actually we are using simple human concepts when asking how we got here. I was beginning to understand that there are no locations in the cerebral domain, only focal points. You might ask what prompted my thinking but I was beginning to understand thought simply exists only now I could access it more truly. In order to reduce this story to make it possible for human interaction perhaps the best place to start would be to describe my life before the accident and weave in the alien understanding of the universe when opportunity arises.

Book attempt three

She is thinking of her 22nd birthday, it is something she frequently recalls. Her husband took her dancing that evening, she never thought she could dance, afterwards it became a habit for them, to dance. Today she struggles to move, something she once did very gracefully, elegantly, when dancing. She was married at 19 to a man she deeply loved, Bernard, pregnant with the first of their five children at the time of their marriage, she had two children before the birthday she often remembers. Her husband arranged a babysitter for that evening, his mother. That birthday celebration, dancing, was the pinnacle of her life she thought. To dance. She still feels him dancing with her, Bernard is still with her despite dying. The religion that she observes is adamant that there is no such thing as death, something she now believes fervently. She always sees Bernard and talks with him since his death. It’s as though he still exists. Bernard died of cancer 7 years ago, he physically left her but has remained spiritually.

Just now as I watch her hobbling she drops a newspaper that she was carrying, and kneeling down to pick it up she said thank you to the spirit of her deceased husband, his spirit helped her. A gaunt and very old man. Yesterday she attended her sisters funeral but knows through these experiences that her sister still exists, also because this dead sister told her that she had only gone to the Buddha, gone to the afterlife. Her sister had told her this after she had passed away. Some might think she dreamt of her sister but for this hobbling woman dreams have a reality. In fact for her what she thinks feels real. In an uncommon way her thoughts have taken on a kind of reality, and so when she thinks of her husband he is real to her. When she asks somebody if they heard what her dead husband Bernard just said the answer is always no. Many humans experience the dead, there are so many stories of this phenomenon, but we are often too locked into the human perception of this world to perceive the other world, it exists if you close your eyes and feel. She has always perceived this otherness, and loved to dance.

Her name is Agnes. As an adult Agnes once visited the place of her birth, the village, and was overcome by the brightest light she had ever experienced. Everyone had told her she had fallen asleep whilst sitting in a living room where she had grown up. She had always taken this experience for an extremely vivid dream, the dream had only lasted a short while. During this dream, in the light, a figure had appeared, it was a very comforting being she thought, somehow this dream stimulated a very blissful emotion in her. Shortly after this experience she begun to see figures that other people couldn’t. Her memory became so perfect that all the people she knew began using her as a source of fact.

Agnes was often taken by light similar but not as intense as the day when she visited her childhood home. The light mostly would be accompanied by faint sound, like it was trying to say something. She would often try to reply but nothing would ever happen to confirm to her that it was trying to communicate. But somehow these events would respond to her thoughts, for example when the light was too bright for her and she was shocked by the glow, it would dim. So intense was the experience of light, with human perception she might have claimed the light became brighter. The intensity of that experience wasn’t just the light but the only way she could apprehend the experience was through the metaphor of light.

Her husband was Bernard who became a university professor. They were always going to be together. They would occasionally talk about her unusual experiences. During childhood Bernard had always been struck by Agnes’s empathy, and her stories of people. She seemed to knowthings about everyone she met. Indeed Agnes inspired in him a fascination in the world which eventually led to him wanting to understand existence in a more concrete way. He became a scientist. When he was a scientist he would often enquired about Agnes’s dreams and the events in her life. The motivation was quite pointed for Bernard, scientific. He always thought not to over question her experiences but leave them. He feared she might lose her gifts if too many human concepts were imposed, if science was imposed. During his studies Bernard discovered Entanglement theory which immediately appealed to him because of his wife. It somehow explained Agnes. It’s theories about other modes of communication between matter suggested to Bernard that Agnes was actually operating in this other realm. Indeed he thought Agnes’s emotional connection with the world was real, as real as atoms and matter.

Bernard first started studying at university in Singapore, NUS. It felt a special place each day he went there, after studying he would go to a local haunt for a drink. He believed that the haunt was the true university often meeting lecturers there and discussing the subjects he was learning. One such occasion had a profound impact on Bernard. A lecturer who was absorbed by entanglement theory talked with him about it and he too became absorbed. At NUS with the very same lecturer he first learnt of Entanglement’s double split experiment, an experiment he would do in laboratory type conditions. The experiment suggested that particles can communicate faster than the speed of light or any possible mode known to man. That if you change the polarity of one particle another changes simultaneously if the particles were created in the same event. So Bernard thought Agnes was acting in this other mode.

Bernard had said it is here to help you. She didn’t know what was here? But when he said that to her the light seemed to acquire an identity. She had felt comforted at the beginning of this experience, when Bernard told her it was here to help, she felt that the light then became her father. So my father has come to visit our old home too she thought. She had previously interacted with her father’s spirit in this way, he often appeared as he did in her youth. Her father had always comforted her in life too, this was different. And as she had begun to think of the light as her father’s spirit her attitude strangely changed, not by her own instigation. The idea of comfort then returned to her. At this point Bernard said it doesn’t use words to communicate but thought. People always think that they are the origin of their thoughts. Bernard said we can communicate with it non verbally. He said thought is reality in this place, this other dimension. He said when I think of trying to make you happy you often respond, sometimes you appear happy. Indeed just now she had an overwhelming feeling of contentment.

Bernard said light is intelligent in this dimension, gas too, any matter. Light has a material component, particles, but intelligence is non material. In some worlds there is only thought and it can become embodied but thought actually exists in another domain of the universe, independently. Matter can access thought as matter is also a part of the universe. Thought is the crossover between these two aspects of the universe, physical and cerebral. In fact thought came first and conceived of matter, particles are the children of thought. We as humans exist in both domains as does light, colourful light. Bernard in his studies also came across a Japanese scientist that had proven our thoughts have a material effect on water crystals. People are beginning to understand that thoughts have a real and tangible effect.

Bernard was sitting preparing a lecture one evening when light began moving about him very unusually, he felt it moved with intention. Then it communicated. It told him through his language, or perhaps thought, that it had been quite a puzzle for them how to interact with this world, the material world, the world of the 3rd dimension. Then they had determined how to gather light particles for that purpose, to interact. The light told him they were from another dimension, not like him of the material world, but the thought world. Our life form has no sex destinction it said. We are like butterflies created from other life and we reproduce within ourselves, not through sex. Sex has caused humans some difficulty but led to your development of intelligence. Sex is such a fundamental thing for humans, man and woman, there are almost two species, not quite but substantial difference between the two sexes.

A more recent version is on the draft page, I also provide this link

This blog is a book about the construction of thought and identity. Actually posts or writings that explores the mind of a coma victim and the processes of conception. The journey of an adult being through rebirth, who at 44 becomes a child again and works through the experience of life from nothing to something. Perhaps I’ll work more on the “draft” link in the menu under “book” to be published in print but we can now publish anything online and so here is my book. If you read the blog post sequentially you can travel the path of rebirth. Indeed we live in ideas, the journey through them can be quite revealing. We all construct the mind, from birth, childhood to adulthood. This book is an expression of that process. Life is jumbled. You can flip about according to your own construction. All posts have a related posts section and so you can follow a theme to its origin, there is also a previous post link. Below are several versions of this page first written around 5 years ago.

One thought on “Book

  1. The story of Bernard and Agnes is like an exploration of what many take to be a dichotomy between scientific rationalism and empiricism, and the metaphysics and spiritualism. But to you, my husband and the storyteller, it’s clearly more of a continuum between the two seemingly polar opposites. Thought or intention is indeed the progenitor of matter and reality – perception is reality is a phrase that rings true. Lightworkers and spiritualists who communicate with the realm of spirits, spirit guides, angels, and dark forces and entities, often speak of their encounter with a dazzling and blinding pure white light and colourful prism when they connect with the universe and channel the messages, images and feelings that they receive as conduits for that universal life-force. See my blog posts which describe communication with spirit guides and departed loved ones…

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