Time to go home from Hong Kong today to Singapore, I have really enjoyed it here. I’ve been thinking of a smiths song during my stay, at least I think it was the smiths… ‘girlfriend in a coma I know I know, it’s really serious’, I realize it’s just comedy, a play of words…
Let me start by affirming that Hong Kong is an excellent place, more real than Singapore I feel although I have constantly been considering our next move in my head. For some unknown reason I have been thinking about another imminent flight and brought this up with my wife to learn we are already at our destination. I offered to show email chains which didn’t exist, I really did believe we were about to depart. Apparently shortly after coma I would always demand to change planes or hotels such was my dislocation, it seems I’m not yet past this state. I often must figure out where I am now and what I did yesterday. Sitting in this cafe in Hong Kong I’m always thinking it’s my last day here but that thought is not accurate, I have many more days. My mind has never been so muddled, I am now thinking it’s just part of the recovery process. We need somebody we can trust and rely on to ask, I would be lost both literally and figuratively without my wife.
Dealing with the legacy of coma is trying for us. After 3 years we expect improvement but it sometimes gets even worse. I must try harder, if I could only be told what to focus on. So depressing, I think life generally is, even for normal types. Perhaps I was always depressed, I think it’s all starting to come back to me. I’m sorry for any negativity, just trying to be honest and get off the roller coaster. We must merely keep earnestly trying with every movement of our bodies and thought of the brain.
Today was spent listening to the state of the Union address by Obama. I really thought it quite good apart from what the commentators say now. A speech by the leader of the free world must be important for us, I only wish to have contributed to his speech and spoken of humanity, sure he tried to focus on the world but remained on US issues. Political thought is so central to or species now it seems to me. He brought up the main concepts of health and wealth which we are all immersed in. Even spoke of life. I personally think he’s a good person, he talks too much of power and money though, I guess he must focus on our most basic concerns.
All of a sudden I feel optimistic about life. I’m not usually hopeful. My wife is at work and we can exist. When I consider all things we are fortunate people. We can at last live how we choose, maybe we can move in the long run. Choice will be paramount but we all must choose. We can potentially live well enough. Life. That is what we’re all experiencing. Life.
I realize I have used the word before but stuff the coffee, let’s have a beer.
Stuff typically means things, but it’s also relevant to human beings, we are just stuff of the universe. I think we go on in a way when we die, we decompose and rot and perhaps they can obtain information about our existence, that we once lived. Don’t get me wrong I think people are mostly good inside, but life is transitory in this place, it may continue in other ways beyond material existence. And I promised to be uplifting, a latte my friend?
A day in Singapore and frustration seems to be resuming. We are all bothered by the humdrum of life, perhaps old habits are returning. I’m no different to anyone, just experienced a coma and slowly normalizing. And so the monotony of existence returns, it was only a short break from the mundane, it’s just been three years of recovery, so this is it then, normal life, I don’t know how you do it, excruciating at times.
Catching the MRT train today I couldn’t help thinking that humans are just like ants. We are very orderly like an ant farm. Good at following instructions and performing repetitive tasks. Why not? We are like ants in being alive, living and existing. Except for art and thought we are like them going through the hum drum of life. We look like ants all filing to get on board the train or shopping and stuff. I often wonder where the inspiration comes from, except music, literature etc, we merely follow orders. Why not focus more on the heights of humanity, I’ll try my best to do that. Perhaps we appear as ants to our alien friends, maybe thought is merely a byproduct of life and we live according to our invented rules, ants have no thought I suspect, just reaction to stimulus. Like an ant I must return to a previous habit, a macchiato my friend.
I believe we always exist. A belief. Perhaps there is no such thing as time. Or when we discover how to travel time, we will permanent exit. Death is not real except metaphorically, given we have lived we are always alive, if only in the memory of other people. There is no such thing as our greatest fear, death. Life goes on interminably. We discover more about our existence every day, just the last thing to overcome, death.
I used to merely take the world for granted, these days when I look at everything I see the human endeavor behind it. I’m sitting at raffle place now in Singapore near the Fullerton hotel and I look at it and think one day people thought they could make money from short term accommodation and builders came to build it. Such complex cities we have built, our needs are constantly changing, I wonder what is next for our species. Perhaps we create and control our desires and needs. When will we move away from personal wealth and instead focus on the magic of existence. It’s a fine hotel though.
Well I’ve returned from Vietnam, my first coffee at beauty garden, Vietnamese coffee was better but it’s good all over this world, human inventions like coffee are there to please us, Ho Chi Minh was very pleasing. So begins my blogging again. A macchiato my friend?